1
00:00:01,290 --> 00:00:04,770
You know, Frank, when they muttered
Jesus and threw him in the cave,

2
00:00:04,770 --> 00:00:05,830
thought it was goodnight Vienna.

3
00:00:06,190 --> 00:00:07,190
Including me.

4
00:00:07,430 --> 00:00:10,930
Now, Jesus, by his own admission, was an
appalling man, but he was no quitter.

5
00:00:11,870 --> 00:00:14,910
So he hit a wee street in the cave, then
rolled away the boulder and said,

6
00:00:15,090 --> 00:00:16,610
Anybody fancy an Easter egg?

7
00:00:17,790 --> 00:00:18,990
Well, I'm no quitter either.

8
00:00:20,030 --> 00:00:21,830
It's time for our second coming.

9
00:00:23,070 --> 00:00:25,690
Francis, let's roll away the boulder.

10
00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:52,060
Around here, people don't like to talk
about the cheeseburger wars.

11
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:53,340
And it's understandable.

12
00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:54,900
They've got out of hand.

13
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,620
A lot of good vans were lost along the
way.

14
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:02,720
But me and you, Frank, back on the van,
the punters will be beside themselves.

15
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,800
And our wee cash flow problem will seem
nothing more than a hilarious memory.

16
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:09,320
Not that wee, Bob.

17
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:13,420
And as for the skirt, good golly, Miss
Molly, it'll be like the last days of

18
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:17,020
Rome. You know, it's funny, you
should... Oh, yes, Frank, yes!

19
00:01:17,550 --> 00:01:18,890
Together, we can do anything.

20
00:01:19,150 --> 00:01:22,050
I'm just saying, it's funny you should
talk about the woman's fault.

21
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:23,830
Darling! All right, Bob.

22
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:25,050
Darling.

23
00:01:25,950 --> 00:01:28,570
I have an important whisper I need you
to deliver.

24
00:01:29,450 --> 00:01:30,450
Pun intended.

25
00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:36,670
People of Brodie Ferry, Bob's Beautiful
Burgers is back in business. Come and

26
00:01:36,670 --> 00:01:37,850
have some fun in a bath.

27
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,130
Aye, all right.

28
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,030
That kid's got the lot, Frank.

29
00:01:44,650 --> 00:01:46,370
And best of all, he knows it.

30
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:48,510
We should make him head of youth
development.

31
00:01:49,430 --> 00:01:51,450
Can I clarify my title, Bob?

32
00:01:51,790 --> 00:01:52,790
Same as always.

33
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:54,570
Director of Saucers Apprentice.

34
00:01:54,950 --> 00:01:55,929
Thanks, Bob.

35
00:01:55,930 --> 00:01:59,870
Just, you know, I didn't want to
presume, you know, and be all Bernie

36
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:00,589
about it.

37
00:02:00,590 --> 00:02:01,590
Use your money.

38
00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:07,790
Right. Well, I just thought... I thought
there might have been a hint of

39
00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:10,590
inflation since... 1989.

40
00:02:11,990 --> 00:02:14,690
Unfortunately, Frank, your salary was
pegged at the end.

41
00:02:15,070 --> 00:02:18,730
And our Japanese friends have done you
no favours whatsoever.

42
00:02:21,210 --> 00:02:22,890
Here you are, Hen. The meat attack.

43
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,970
The burger they couldn't ban.

44
00:02:25,350 --> 00:02:26,350
It's roughly big.

45
00:02:26,650 --> 00:02:29,110
I'm just selling you the gun,
sweetheart. You don't have to use it.

46
00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:33,130
What else you got? We do the meat attack
and the widowmaker.

47
00:02:33,490 --> 00:02:34,630
Is the widowmaker smaller?

48
00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:37,650
It is considerably larger.

49
00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:41,390
Madam, could I interest you in a half
portion?

50
00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:43,230
Oh, well, that... Absolutely not!

51
00:02:43,790 --> 00:02:45,090
I'd rather cut myself in half.

52
00:02:45,670 --> 00:02:48,070
Frank, you're apprentice director of
sauces.

53
00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:50,970
As you well know, director of ideas is
one of my titles.

54
00:02:51,210 --> 00:02:55,070
It's just, you know, I was talking to my
swimming instructor, Dorothy, about

55
00:02:55,070 --> 00:02:56,330
something called calories.

56
00:02:56,570 --> 00:02:58,850
I don't care if you were talking to Buck
Reynolds about long division.

57
00:02:59,050 --> 00:03:00,210
We're not doing half portions.

58
00:03:00,510 --> 00:03:02,750
It's just, we're going to have to start
earning soon, Bob.

59
00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:04,690
We're no overloaded with punters here.

60
00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:08,550
You want punters? I'll get you punters.
I'll get you mere punters that you've

61
00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:09,550
ever seen.

62
00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:15,730
The punters love the seaside, Frank.

63
00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:20,270
They like to feel the waves on their
bodies. Aye, don't we all?

64
00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:23,850
What kind of meat is it?

65
00:03:24,230 --> 00:03:28,750
Madam, thank you for the question. We
use a collage of meat.

66
00:03:29,190 --> 00:03:30,930
Oh, that sounds a little worrying.

67
00:03:31,150 --> 00:03:32,450
Come on, Mum, please.

68
00:03:33,110 --> 00:03:34,270
Oh, OK, OK.

69
00:03:34,570 --> 00:03:36,550
Two widow -makers, please.

70
00:03:38,310 --> 00:03:44,160
Madam. Please feel free to advertise our
delicious burgers to any of your fellow

71
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,080
punters. Oh, and a thought.

72
00:03:46,420 --> 00:03:51,780
Ladies, us two handsome singletons are
also available to any of your divorce

73
00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:55,100
pals who haven't given in entirely to
the gin.

74
00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:14,450
Bob Serfant. I knew it.

75
00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:15,870
Back in the queue, Hendo.

76
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:20,970
Here's me trying to ease the jag into
your favourite parking spot and your

77
00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:23,070
decrepit burger vans in the way.

78
00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:24,690
Oh, you're an awful piece of work,
Hendo.

79
00:04:25,050 --> 00:04:26,710
Well, let's try for civility.

80
00:04:26,930 --> 00:04:28,050
You're in my spot.

81
00:04:28,430 --> 00:04:33,970
Fine. I hereby award you 5 % off any
burgers served between 7 and 7 .15

82
00:04:33,970 --> 00:04:37,350
mornings. Not to be used in conjunction
with any other offer. Bring photo ID.

83
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,380
I hope you've got a license, lads. A
license to trade.

84
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,880
And a license to love. Hey, ladies.

85
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,860
Children, you've been widow -maker.

86
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:55,680
Sir,

87
00:04:56,620 --> 00:05:00,200
consider yourself meat -attacked. And
please, come again.

88
00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:02,660
Well done, son.

89
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,080
What a run that was, Bob.

90
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,960
It's happening, Frank, just like I said.

91
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:13,220
Panther respect off the chart, money in
the till, and bucket loads of scut at

92
00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:14,139
the post.

93
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:19,460
Again, on the lady's subject... You see,
Frank, women love powerful men.

94
00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:22,220
Look at Sir Trevor MacDonald.

95
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:28,100
Frank, Sir Trevor MacDonald, and mind
you, this is only a hunch, but I feel

96
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:28,819
a good one.

97
00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:33,120
Sir Trevor MacDonald is, without doubt,
pound for pound...

98
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,060
The maddest shagger in Britain.

99
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,160
See what I mean?

100
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:38,560
Shouldn't be on the road.

101
00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:41,700
Mr. Servant, I'm from the council.

102
00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:43,520
From the council?

103
00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:46,620
Or from heaven? The council.

104
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,100
Where's your license?

105
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:51,380
May I consult with my colleague?

106
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,280
Please, help yourself to the condiments.

107
00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,380
Here we go, Frank. The old van's working
its magic.

108
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:00,920
Is it? Oh, come on, Frank.

109
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,200
Does she want the license?

110
00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:03,670
Or does she want me?

111
00:06:03,770 --> 00:06:04,770
The license.

112
00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:10,350
Francis, right now, that woman's ogling
my backside and fantasizing about taking

113
00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:14,110
me to a cabin in the woods, lying me
down naked in front of an open fire and

114
00:06:14,110 --> 00:06:17,190
going absolutely berserk on the business
end of my body. My God.

115
00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:19,330
Don't blame me, Frank.

116
00:06:19,650 --> 00:06:20,650
Blame the van.

117
00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:25,130
One of your mobs already been here for
the license.

118
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:27,470
Who? Jim. Nice guy. Decent smile.

119
00:06:27,810 --> 00:06:30,210
Sir name? Never asked. He had me at the
smile.

120
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:31,470
There is a Jim.

121
00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:32,900
I hope you're going to check that.

122
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,120
Of course.

123
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:41,860
You see, Frank, and this is not a phrase
I would ever use lightly, but that

124
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,520
woman is definitely permanent scut
material.

125
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:51,700
Bob, with all this girly chat, I've been
trying to tell you that,

126
00:06:51,820 --> 00:06:56,480
well, the thing is that I,

127
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,140
Frank...

128
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,680
I've gone and got myself a girlfriend.

129
00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:07,340
You've got myself a girlfriend?

130
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:16,020
What happened was that my swimming
instructor, Dorothy, and I had what I

131
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:21,960
suppose you would call a kind of running
joke about towels, you know, the kind

132
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:28,460
of funny things that have happened to us
with towels, and, well, you know, one

133
00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:29,460
thing led to another.

134
00:07:30,730 --> 00:07:34,270
Now my swimming instructor Dorothy has
become my girlfriend.

135
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:41,590
And that's the end result of the whole
mess.

136
00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:51,290
Come with me.

137
00:07:53,650 --> 00:07:56,810
You see, Frank, cheeseburger van men are
like members of a boy band.

138
00:07:57,420 --> 00:08:00,640
The public need to think we're
romantically available. One whisper

139
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,940
girlfriends and we'll lose half our fan
base.

140
00:08:03,220 --> 00:08:06,680
Forgive me, Bob, but you just suggested
that women for the council is permanent

141
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:07,900
skirt material. That's different.

142
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:09,680
Could I trouble you to explain why?

143
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:12,000
Frank, how long have you been working
for me? That'll be seven years.

144
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,860
Exactly. Your apprenticeship's nearly
finished.

145
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,800
You should concentrate and not start
palling about with some deranged woman.

146
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:20,760
No, Bob, she's not deranged.

147
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,680
Dorothy is both a patient swimming
instructor and a...

148
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:29,080
You know, a wonderful girlfriend...
Frank, you can't have a girlfriend. Not

149
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,760
before me. It's just not right.

150
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,419
It would confuse the punters.

151
00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:34,700
It's not fair, Frank.

152
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,100
On the punters.

153
00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:43,159
Look, let's see how things play out
between myself and the councilwoman. And

154
00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:46,300
then maybe, you know, we could sit down
and have a wee chat about your

155
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:47,300
girlfriend's situation.

156
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,960
I can't say fairer than that, Frank.

157
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:52,340
You know, Bob...

158
00:08:52,790 --> 00:08:56,710
These words feel like poison in my
mouth, but I would like to suggest that

159
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,850
this occasion, you could in fact say
fairer than that.

160
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:12,930
Frank!

161
00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:16,870
Frank! They're not very well.

162
00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:18,110
Neither am I.

163
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:22,460
Mr. Servant, you didn't show your
license to anyone called Jim, nice smile

164
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:27,100
otherwise. Oh, sorry, hen, sorry. It was
Rab. Rab something or other. Nice guy.

165
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,059
Long hair.

166
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:29,019
How long?

167
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:32,040
Bit to his knees. Oh, come on. What was
in that burger?

168
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,580
Mincemeat and dreams.

169
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,620
I think they're having hallucinations.

170
00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:36,980
Frank.

171
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,600
Frank. Back up, Frank. Bob. What?

172
00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:46,320
Bob, I'd like to introduce you to my
woman instructor and girlfriend,

173
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,480
So nice to finally meet you.

174
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:51,440
Don't be ridiculous.

175
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:56,680
Mr. Servant, I'm suspending your
shambolic operation with immediate

176
00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:57,559
Quite right.

177
00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:00,180
Help me, Frank. Help me. Help me. You're
by suspended.

178
00:10:00,740 --> 00:10:01,820
Game over, Bob.

179
00:10:02,140 --> 00:10:03,140
You're a cowboy.

180
00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:04,600
Right. That's it.

181
00:10:05,420 --> 00:10:06,420
That's it.

182
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:11,460
Here I am, spreading happiness and
trying to earn a few honest pounds.

183
00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:14,300
And all you people do is turn Boo Boy on
me.

184
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,040
He's beyond saving.

185
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,740
But you, you're an attractive, powerful
woman.

186
00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:21,140
You're better than this.

187
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,500
You're a grown man, moaning about your
sore tummy.

188
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:31,280
When I was your age, I would have given
both legs for a decent hallucination.

189
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:38,940
Now, I am gracious enough to accept that
it appears that Frank has forgotten to

190
00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:40,500
renew the license.

191
00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:41,980
No, Bob.

192
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,320
You're director of licenses.

193
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:46,960
I beg your pardon?

194
00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:51,260
You're director of licenses, Bob.

195
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,680
Right.

196
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,780
You just want your pound of flesh?

197
00:10:57,060 --> 00:10:59,260
Well, here we go.

198
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:02,840
Frank.

199
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,160
You're back.

200
00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:37,630
Young man, your life will never be the
same again.

201
00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:45,730
Good morning.

202
00:11:45,810 --> 00:11:46,810
Morning.

203
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:50,290
I believe this kid is enslaved to
yourself.

204
00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:53,010
Oh, he works here, eh?

205
00:11:53,230 --> 00:11:57,150
I've recently been let down by my right
-hand man, and over the years I've

206
00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:02,810
watched Darren grow from scared wee
laddie to confident young hunk.

207
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:04,850
with a sack full of dreams.

208
00:12:05,530 --> 00:12:06,530
Right.

209
00:12:07,350 --> 00:12:11,490
It is time to empty his sack.

210
00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:17,950
I'm not quite following... I hereby
appoint Darren as my right -hand man.

211
00:12:19,310 --> 00:12:22,510
You're not his faggot anymore.

212
00:12:32,359 --> 00:12:33,580
Freezing. Oh, Darren.

213
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:35,700
Muscles like those should be seen.

214
00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,440
Let the punters enjoy them.

215
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,560
Bob?

216
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,460
Darren? Frank?

217
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,500
Yoko?

218
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:52,340
Darren will be accompanying me to the
council hearing as my new apprentice.

219
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,280
Your apprentice?

220
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,100
Oh, don't give me the puppy eyes, Frank.

221
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:57,880
I sent you an olive branch.

222
00:12:58,220 --> 00:12:59,340
That was just a normal branch.

223
00:12:59,580 --> 00:13:00,580
It's a thought that counts.

224
00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:02,520
Have you anything to say to me, Francis?

225
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,080
Good luck with the council meeting, Bob.

226
00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:12,560
One and a half lemonades, please,
Stupor.

227
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,740
I mean, who does he think he is?

228
00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:21,120
Swagging blood and hands like he's
George Beck.

229
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:22,520
She seems nice.

230
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:27,120
Oh, Darren, Darren, Darren, Darren,
Darren, Darren, Darren, Darren.

231
00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:31,020
Well, life's awfully simple at your age,
isn't it?

232
00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:34,460
It's all about heavy metal music and
masturbating at drive -thrus.

233
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,480
Life's about pals, Darren.

234
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:37,760
It's about sticking together.

235
00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:41,800
There's no selling each other down the
river just because some scut teaches you

236
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:42,759
the front crawl.

237
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,780
We're ready for you. On you go, young
lad.

238
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,660
Pull your tongue in, mate.

239
00:13:53,220 --> 00:13:57,540
Council records from 1989 don't show
you've ever been granted a licence to

240
00:13:57,540 --> 00:13:58,540
trade.

241
00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:03,640
They say, if you remember Brodie Ferry
in 1989, then you weren't there.

242
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,880
I've no option but to permanently
suspend you from trading.

243
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:08,960
Two things.

244
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:10,720
First,

245
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,220
what are you doing for your tea?

246
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:15,820
I know a restaurant in Moneyfeet that'd
have your tongue hanging out like a

247
00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:17,280
lizard. What's the second thing?

248
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,320
Darren?

249
00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:21,700
Hello, I'm Darren the paperboy.

250
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:24,280
As you can see, I have nice muscles.

251
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:28,380
which I got from eating the delicious
burgers sold by Bob, who is currently

252
00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:33,080
single. Oh, Darren, that's not really
relevant.

253
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:37,160
Although Bob doesn't have a licence, you
should give him a break because of

254
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,400
everything he does for folk.

255
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:43,800
He gave Frank the world and had it
thrown back in his face, and he saved me

256
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:44,800
a life of despair.

257
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:50,380
My dad is a real -life maniac who drinks
13 bottles of gin a day.

258
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:55,400
then hits me on the head with a golf
club and says you're out of bounds.

259
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:56,800
An awful man.

260
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,320
But a decent joke.

261
00:14:59,780 --> 00:15:04,560
Oh, dear, we'd better call social
services. No, this is bollocks. Bob

262
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:06,220
Ghost wrote it.

263
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,020
Good luck, Bob.

264
00:15:08,380 --> 00:15:10,320
Darren? Hold on.

265
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:11,700
Hold on.

266
00:15:12,380 --> 00:15:14,880
Your suspension is permanent.

267
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,580
I appear to have a vacancy.

268
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,680
May I inspect your muscles?

269
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:40,960
You know, I was just thinking about
Frank.

270
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:47,320
The day I awarded you the Director of
Sources Apprenticeship.

271
00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:49,200
Second best day of my life.

272
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:51,190
Quite a ceremony.

273
00:15:52,190 --> 00:15:53,190
Covered me in mustard.

274
00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:57,750
Tradition. Got in my eyes and I smarted
terribly.

275
00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:06,430
Frank, I am... I suppose the only way to
put it is nice and simple.

276
00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:08,650
I need you back.

277
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,990
It's more than just a wee cash flow
problem, Frank.

278
00:16:14,150 --> 00:16:15,330
The cheeseburger money?

279
00:16:16,190 --> 00:16:17,190
All gone.

280
00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:18,550
All of it?

281
00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:19,750
Fast living, Frank.

282
00:16:20,170 --> 00:16:21,170
Fast living.

283
00:16:21,530 --> 00:16:22,530
Nights out.

284
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,690
Taxis.

285
00:16:24,970 --> 00:16:25,970
The jumpers.

286
00:16:26,910 --> 00:16:28,130
I like nice things.

287
00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:29,810
Pretty things.

288
00:16:31,270 --> 00:16:32,270
The extension.

289
00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:35,150
You said the extension paid for itself.

290
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:37,710
Sadly, Francis, that's just a timid
phrase.

291
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:41,070
The van has to work, Frank.

292
00:16:41,770 --> 00:16:43,070
Or it's the poor who's for me.

293
00:16:44,190 --> 00:16:45,730
And I can't do it without your pal.

294
00:16:46,270 --> 00:16:49,730
As insane as that sounds, I just can't.

295
00:16:50,970 --> 00:16:53,870
Well, you know, Bob, that's very kind.

296
00:16:55,670 --> 00:17:02,270
In response, I would like to invite you
to a special clear -the -air lunch

297
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:03,810
with myself and Dorothy.

298
00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:10,550
And if the lunch is a success and
everybody gets along, then I'd be

299
00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:11,550
return to work.

300
00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:21,970
OK.

301
00:17:24,770 --> 00:17:25,770
Dorothy.

302
00:17:26,369 --> 00:17:27,810
Wonderful to see you again.

303
00:17:28,050 --> 00:17:28,829
And you, Bob.

304
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,230
I've got a wee something for you.

305
00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:31,770
Do you play golf?

306
00:17:32,270 --> 00:17:34,890
More importantly, are you left -handed?

307
00:17:35,770 --> 00:17:36,770
No.

308
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,670
So hard to bet for women.

309
00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:55,220
It's a wee bit of entertainment.

310
00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:00,900
Someone taught me that if a party
doesn't have entertainment, you might as

311
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:02,000
just chuck it and go to bed.

312
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:04,520
Well, whoever told you that?

313
00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:06,620
Sounds like a legend.

314
00:18:07,660 --> 00:18:08,660
He was.

315
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,280
I'm not dead, Frank.

316
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:16,560
Frank, why don't you give Bob a wee tour
and I'll fix us some drinks?

317
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,080
Bob?

318
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:29,720
Have you got a parrot?

319
00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:31,460
No, no.

320
00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:32,900
That's for me.

321
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:40,120
Dorothy is extremely adventurous in what
she calls the sexual arena.

322
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,620
Now, you're very much a man of the
world, Bob.

323
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:45,940
Oh, absolutely.

324
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,100
I've swung from a few ceilings in my
time.

325
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:54,020
Oh, I'm sure, but being a bit of a
prodigy to myself, I must have been a

326
00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:55,460
taken aback by certain things.

327
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,740
We do something called roll.

328
00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:04,740
I'm not a real policeman. You know that,
Bob. But I'm worried.

329
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:11,380
I have formed a certain life for the
part of PC Bad Apple.

330
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,880
We should probably go and have those
drinks.

331
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:17,260
Bob, if I could just ask you something.

332
00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:23,620
As a more experienced person in the
bedroom department, when you've been

333
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,940
have you also ever been completely...

334
00:19:38,379 --> 00:19:41,740
crotchless. Oh, Bobby, we must tell you
about the laugh we had yesterday.

335
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:43,700
That sounds hilarious, but don't feel
you have to.

336
00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:50,840
Dorothy went to the lady's barber's in
which she got home and said it would

337
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,240
have been funny if the lady barber had
picked up all the other hair on the shop

338
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,100
floor and sellotaped it to Dorothy's
wonderful head.

339
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:02,860
And if Dorothy had come home with her
hair on sellotape to her head, all the

340
00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:03,980
colours would have jumbled up.

341
00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:07,900
I wouldn't have to call her.

342
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,040
The red Dorothy sellotape head.

343
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,820
It gets funnier every time you tell it.

344
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,580
Really? Oh, look at him. Eyes like
diamond.

345
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,240
Buttocks to die for.

346
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,360
And the best joke -telling brought a
fairy.

347
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:25,599
The what?

348
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,240
I've had the jackpot with this one.

349
00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:31,860
Well, I'm glad you two find it funny,
but I'm afraid it's left Frank's

350
00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:34,000
performance in the van deeply lacking.

351
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:37,300
Well, maybe if Frank was properly paid,
his performance would be better.

352
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,720
I'm sorry? If Frankie received a livable
wage, he'd be more on the ball.

353
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:46,440
Frankie would be more on the ball if he
weren't up there tilling his head with

354
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:50,660
duff. We engage in consensual, non
-taboo sexual playtime.

355
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,400
You shouldn't be doing that stuff to
Frankie. It's only we.

356
00:20:54,540 --> 00:20:55,680
I enjoy it, Bob.

357
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,080
I enjoy it.

358
00:20:57,639 --> 00:20:59,140
Hugely. You're not ready, Frank.

359
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,400
I am ready, Bob.

360
00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:03,220
I am ready and I am willing.

361
00:21:27,690 --> 00:21:29,590
Why don't you two tell me how you met?

362
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:34,730
School. Well, we lived together.

363
00:21:35,090 --> 00:21:36,090
How did that work?

364
00:21:37,450 --> 00:21:41,590
When I was ten years old, my father said
he was going out for a pint of milk.

365
00:21:41,650 --> 00:21:42,649
That was it.

366
00:21:42,650 --> 00:21:43,609
Oh, dear.

367
00:21:43,610 --> 00:21:46,750
By the time he got back with the milk,
my mum had run off with the bin man.

368
00:21:48,370 --> 00:21:50,650
Dad said that Broughty Ferry had too
many memories.

369
00:21:52,070 --> 00:21:54,970
He emigrated to Fife.

370
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,900
I went to live with Frank and his
family.

371
00:21:58,600 --> 00:21:59,760
Best day of my life.

372
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:03,960
From that night onward, I slept in
Frank's bed.

373
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:08,040
Well, I just slept on the floor, but it
was absolutely fine.

374
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:13,820
And when I started the burger van, there
was only one person I wanted for the

375
00:22:13,820 --> 00:22:15,220
director of Sauce's apprenticeship.

376
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,740
Well, maybe Frank's finished his
apprenticeship.

377
00:22:21,460 --> 00:22:22,860
Maybe he has.

378
00:22:27,850 --> 00:22:32,610
Well, I suppose I just thought that the
skirt stuff would happen for me first.

379
00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:34,090
I understand.

380
00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:39,170
See, Dorothy, if I'm completely honest,

381
00:22:40,250 --> 00:22:42,190
I've never swung from a ceiling.

382
00:22:43,610 --> 00:22:44,770
Not in that way.

383
00:22:45,190 --> 00:22:46,190
Oh, Bob.

384
00:22:46,810 --> 00:22:50,390
I'm sure there's women all over Broughty
Ferry would like to put you in their

385
00:22:50,390 --> 00:22:52,390
sixth cradle. That's very kind.

386
00:22:54,710 --> 00:22:56,310
And undoubtedly true.

387
00:22:59,020 --> 00:23:02,520
Bob, it appears the council may have
dropped a ball.

388
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:08,200
And I suspect the ball might bounce up
and strike them in the genitalia. Oh,

389
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,340
thank you.

390
00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:10,740
What are you saying?

391
00:23:10,940 --> 00:23:14,400
What I'm saying is, we're back.